An Unexpected Salvation

For the most part, I lived an ordinary average life. I would have called myself “Christian” if you’d asked me. I know now that I certainly didn’t live Christ-like. Just before my life changed forever, I attended church regularly, I even served on the Kids’ ministry for about 5 years. On the outside, I looked like the devoted Christian. What most people didn’t know was that I was in the clubs on Saturday night, sometimes into the early hours of Sunday. I would go home, get some sleep and be in church early on Sunday morning, ready to serve in Kids’ church. Once, I met some other Christians that I had considered to be on fire for God in the same club and that helped assuage my guilty conscience. If they were also there, it must not be such a bad thing, I told myself.

By the time, I had an encounter with God, I had come to a very desperate place in my life. I had been in unhealthy and even abusive relationships. I had experienced deep traumas. I was constantly in denial about the emotional pain I lived in every day. I don’t actually remember having happy moments. I had to be strong for myself and if I admitted I wasn’t okay, I was afraid the truth would shatter me, and who would pick up the pieces? So I forged on with life.

Looking back now, I can see many instances where God was speaking to me through circumstances, times where I was keenly aware that there must be a God who cared even if only for a moment. Then it would be quickly forgotten in the maze of life and busyness. One of those instances, I was hurting deeply over a particular situation. It felt like yet another painful blow to my already wounded heart. I was walking home and waiting to cross the road when I heard distinctly, “Even though you fall, you will always rise up.” No one around me was speaking and it seemed to have come from inside me somehow. I was encouraged by what I heard and my mood lightened in that moment. Years later, I found the words in the book of Micah.

“Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I will arise. When I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me” – Micah 7:8

God is kind. I would have told you God existed, but until you encounter Him, it isn’t revelation to you, and you will continue to live and make decisions as though He isn’t real.

In January of 2019, I found myself in a despairing situation. Six months earlier, two things happened. I ended my relationship with someone I cared about. It was a devastating breakup and while I sobbed my heart out, for a moment it was as if my eyes were suddenly open and I saw that this had happened before. I saw all my previous relationships had all ended the same way. I was in a destructive cycle, experiencing the same things over and over except the faces of the men were different and it only got worse. That was when I cried out to God.

“Is this all there is to life?” I shouted brokenly, as I sobbed.

Peace instantly filled my heart, so much so that I stopped crying. I felt strongly that I needed to forgive and move on. Amazingly, I also felt able to do so and I did. The second thing that happened was, I moved away for a new job. I saw it as God’s providence for a fresh start. I didn’t know at the time that it would be, in ways that I had never anticipated.

I wish I could tell you that everything was much better after that, but six months later, I had left my new job, my savings were depleted. My life seemed to be going no where and for the first time, I didn’t have any plans for the new year. I didn’t know what else to do with myself. I was out of options. To make things worse, I had been experiencing some strange spiritual activity. I was having nightmares and unable to sleep at night. When I did manage to sleep, I would be awakened by a presence I couldn’t see, sitting on my bed. This went on almost every night and though I had heard stories of spiritual things as a child, it is a different experience when it is happening to you. I was terrified and tormented.

It was in this state I found myself in, that year in January 2019. I decided to get away for three days to Albufeira, Portugal. It was cold, not a typical holiday, but I was going really just to process and think about my next steps. My first night there was full of bad dreams. As usual, I didn’t sleep well. The second night was a similar experience until around 7am. I was waking up but not quite awake when I heard an audible voice.

“Go back to sleep,” this gentle voice instructed me, it sounded like it came from inside me and yet, filled the room at the same time, “Your body has had enough rest but your spirit needs to be fortified.” I obeyed and went to sleep. This latest sleep was without dreams and somewhere inside of me, I felt that this was from God.

I woke up nearly 3 hours later completely different. It was like I was seeing the world in colour for the first time. The sun was shining brightly and I went outside to look at how beautiful the day was. I was also hearing the voice of Someone I knew supernaturally to be the Holy Spirit, instructing me on several things I needed to stop doing because these things were harming me. Before this, I had mostly heard of the Holy Spirit mentioned at the end of a prayer from 2 Corinthians 13:14, “May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all…” I didn’t know who the Holy Spirit was and somehow, I recognised He was the one speaking to me. This set me off on a journey afterwards to know Him. I didn’t know God could be personal, I certainly didn’t know I could hear Him.

The promise of the Holy Spirit to strengthen my spirit, I found later was one of Paul’s prayers for the saints in Ephesus and for every believer. He prayed in Ephesians 3:16-19, “That He (God the Father) would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height – to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” This has been my life prayer and today, six years later, I can say, God is faithful.